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I Will Live And Not Die

I haven't written on this blog in over four years... but today is the day.  It's 2:55am and I am up because I'm having anxiety attacks.   I feel guilty for still being here.   One year ago today, March 13, 2024, at around 12:15pm I had an eery feeling while working.  Long story short, I had an ischemic stroke... a brain bleed.  And right now, in this moment I feel guilty I am still here.  Another day I will talk about what happened, but right now I need to deal with my feelings so I can go to sleep!!! Out of everything thing that happened, I remember my Mama saying "I will live and not die, say it." I said it, she said say it again and louder "I WILL LIVE AND NOT DIE!"  This past year has had so many ups and downs, so many physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual changes.  But I'm grateful for it all.  This healing journey has been one for the books and whew chile, it has not been for the weak.   I've been more vulnerabl...
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Plucking the Root of Negative Triggers

Whew chile!  When I tell this thing called life is a rollercoaster.  Last week there was a lot of healing shown in public.  I am always analyzing and criticizing myself, and then I realize TRANECE GIVE YOURSELF GRACE AS YOU DO TO OTHERS!  So instead of criticizing myself I have made the choice to see where these quirks and flaws root from. I watched the Red Table Talk w/ Will Smith as he looked at himself and Janet Hubert talk.  No matter how big the star, how much money, how famous, how respected he had trauma that STILL hits him today as a 51 year old accomplished man.  I've been told by a few people that I am too wordy, too emotional, and wanting to be validated.  Well, I am who I am.  Words mean a lot to me because my secondary love language is Words of Affirmation.  I am an empath and become passionate about any project I am involved in because it's not JUST BUSINESS to me, it's the work that goes into it that matters and I like to get i...
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That One Moment That Changed Everything

 I guess I should introduce myself.  But right now, I don't want to.  If you are reading this more than likely you already know who I am, and if you don't you will.  I am a 41 year old black woman who is working on getting her shit together.  And to be honest, I have a headache right now as I write this at 5:19 in the morning from drinking too much vodka last night.  To think, my goal was to have zero alcohol in November... and had none until last night when I found it someone I love very deeply was in an accident had has some brain damage. Now look, this blog is not about to focus on sadness and wallow in pain.  It's actually the exact opposite.  It's being created to just let the shit out and fucking face it head on.  I'm not going to apologize for my language or try to make this pretty.  The truth is when you are looking to face yourself there is a dark and ugly side to it.  You have to take the time to assess your behaviors and ...
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