Plucking the Root of Negative Triggers

Whew chile!  When I tell this thing called life is a rollercoaster.  Last week there was a lot of healing shown in public.  I am always analyzing and criticizing myself, and then I realize TRANECE GIVE YOURSELF GRACE AS YOU DO TO OTHERS!  So instead of criticizing myself I have made the choice to see where these quirks and flaws root from.

I watched the Red Table Talk w/ Will Smith as he looked at himself and Janet Hubert talk.  No matter how big the star, how much money, how famous, how respected he had trauma that STILL hits him today as a 51 year old accomplished man.  I've been told by a few people that I am too wordy, too emotional, and wanting to be validated.  Well, I am who I am.  Words mean a lot to me because my secondary love language is Words of Affirmation.  I am an empath and become passionate about any project I am involved in because it's not JUST BUSINESS to me, it's the work that goes into it that matters and I like to get it right.  And yes, I want it to be acknowledged that you SAW the work I put into anything.  I don't need a public announcement, but I do need a "Hey I saw the work or  good job or thank you or I appreciate you or can you fix this or just something!"  

Where does this stem from?  I hate with a heated passion to be ignored.  This was something both my parents would do on purpose to piss me off.  There was another method they would use to "get something out of me" and it was the tactic of saying things that would make me upset so I could prove I could get something accomplished.  Acknowledging that is challenging, but it's the truth and I want that shit to STOP!  I am always trying to fucking prove myself, and I don't need to.  

I have come up with a way to better myself one step at at time and it's creating a weekly theme for myself.  Last week it was Don't Prove, Just Do!  This week is No Overthinking, Pursue! I already know now that some themes will be repeated multiple times throughout the year because it takes time to heal those childhood traumas and adult trauma as well.  I get on and off social media so much and realized yesterday why!  It's because I am looking at things that resonate for a moment, I need things that help me self develop for a lifetime.  My healing is more important than posting on IG or FB and I don't need someone's approval to do what I need to do for my long term health.  

I am not the only person who struggles with wanting to prove myself.  So here is a message for us all:  Find the root of where these negative triggers come from and pluck it.  You want it to stop? Then go in the mirror and tell yourself "This trigger no longer serves me! I am enough!"